Lone Wolf
by Lili Locket
Summary: The road was my ally it was the only company I needed; my experience of people had been a constant disappointment, people let you down and abandon you, people work on your weaknesses and exploit them and I'd had more than my fair share of bad experiences with my fellow man... and woman. My name is Jackson Teller and this is the story of my life so far...
1. Chapter 1

Lone Wolf.

Jackson's pov.

The road was my ally it was the only company I needed; my experience of people had been a constant disappointment, people let you down and abandon you, people work on your weaknesses and exploit them and I'd had more than my fair share of bad experiences with my fellow man... and woman. My name is Jackson Teller and this is the story of my life so far...

One year earlier...

'Welcome to Charming' to any other person it might be a welcome sight but a familiar sense of dread filled me as I returned to a Town that I thought I'd left behind, that was until my mom contacted me with news of Clay's illness; I always swore it would take a hell of a lot to bring me back to the place I once called home and there couldn't be a better reason than to witness the deterioration of the man I once called 'dad'

I could smell the warmth as it sunk into the dirt roads, the dry air penetrated my lungs and the familiar sound of crickets surrounded me, I looked up at the worn words "Samcro the Reaper Crew" In all of the months that had passed since my escape from Charming and despite my reasons for leaving... I still felt the pride swell deep within my gut, it had once given my life a purpose to be a member of the 'Son's' I'd spend hours watching my father tinker with his bike, I remember my first glimpse of his cut, the way the leather felt as I dragged my fingers across it's embellishment 'Sons of Anarchy' I asked questions, I wanted my dad to share his world with me, even at the meagre age of 10 I knew I wanted in and I'd do anything to wear the patch on my back.

My father was John Teller, co-founder and President of The Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle club; he had a vision and He died trying to make it a reality.

Gemma, my mom never hid what he was, what he was a part of, she welcomed my knowledge of the 'Sons' in fact my earliest memory had been playing at fixing up my tricycle in the garage, amongst John's brothers, their hands covered in oil as they worked on the real thing, their cuts lay draped over the handle bars of their custom Harleys out front, Gemma would bring out fresh lemonade and beers, a welcome refreshment in the blazing Californian sun.

She had dedicated her life to the club, the other members held nothing but respect for the woman they knew as 'Mother Gemma' and she would do whatever it took to protect each and every one of them; after all... there was no greater love then that of a mother.

"Jackson! Oh my boy!" I rested my helmet on the seat of my bike as I dismounted, Gemma threw her arms around me, drawing me into her embrace, her scent hadn't changed, still the perfect mix of vanilla and mint. I pulled back slightly, tinged with nicotine; I allowed myself time to study her face; life had been hard on my mom, the creases around her eyes a little more prominent but she was still every teenage boys wet dream.

Her hands felt cool against my face as she looked deeply into my eyes "thank you for comin', Jax, Clay's in a bad way, the doc told him he can't ride no more! You know what this club means to him, son, you gotta talk to him, you gotta help him! I'm... I'm afraid he might be losing his mind!"

"And why would I care about Clay or anything to do with him? You seem to be forgetting the reason for me leaving Charming in the first place, Mom!"

She would have a back up argument, if Gemma was anything it certainly wasn't unprepared, she knew Clay and I had an unpredictable relationship

"I know that, Jax and I don't blame you for being reluctant about helping, but... don't look at it as your doing him a favour, do it for me?... please son?"

And there it was the good old Gemma Morrow charm! I don't think she realised that she was also part of my reason for leaving, it wasn't all on Clay.

You see my mother's role within the 'Sons' didn't stop at making lemonade and serving up cold beers on a hot day, it ran a lot deeper than that, it ran as deep as poison in the bloodstream.

I pushed the damp hair from my forehead and looked past her, towards the clubhouse "you better lead the way then, I remember being told I wasn't welcome to step foot inside there, ever again! Don't wanna have my balls handed to me for ignoring that warning now do I!?"

The interior hadn't changed, the stench of stale beer and tobacco still lingered in the air, I scoped the place out, not yet seeing anyone I recognised; a busty blonde sauntered over, pushing her chest out as she looked up at me from beneath her heavily made up lashes "can I get you a beer, Darlin'?"

Gemma stood between us, her back facing the blonde "he's in the chapel, why don't you go through, Jackson?"

I clenched my teeth and proceeded forwards, my legs fought against me, urging me to turn and walk away but my heart pushed me forward, despite my bodies lack of desire to be here, something deep inside me didn't wanna leave.

The sound of Clay's gruff voice opened wounds I thought had long since healed but still I forced myself on, closing the heavy door behind me.

"Well, well, well look what the bike dragged in! You gunna stand hidden in the shadows, Jackson or you gonna come over and let me take a look at you?"

I couldn't help but snigger lightly, He really did think I feared him, but the truth of it was I feared myself whenever I was around him, Clay Morrow was a danger to me, he brought a cloud of darkness over my soul and I felt nothing but consuming rage and hatred whenever he was near.

The distant sound of the duke box reminded me of where I was, this wasn't my territory any more and despite my initial, murderous thoughts I had to regain control over myself.

I moved closer, his bulky frame no longer just a silhouette against the window as his features became clearer. He looked old, I recalled never believing he could age, I thought he would stay the same formidable man I knew him as forever, but not anymore; his mop of wiry hair now more white then dirty grey, his back hunched over, I'd never seen anyone look so worn down.

"The past few months haven't been kind to you, Clay! But then I guess having a mind riddled with secrets and death will do that to a man..."

His body slumped as he lowered himself into the same chair that my father had been the master of.

"Well time has clearly been in your favour, son! You look well... that Californian pussy must be just what you needed!"

Turning the chair around I straddled over it, resting my arms across the back "Gemma tells me you've lost the right to vote... your hands finally given up on you?"

He looked down at the shaky hands that had failed him, his response weak "they've betrayed me, Jax! I can barely ride ten minutes before the pain becomes too much"

I pitied him, 'SAMCRO' had been the only commitment he welcomed, even his marriage to Gemma hadn't come close to how he felt about the club and its members, they were his true family... his brothers; that's what being a part of the 'Sons' did to a man though, it distracted you from reality, from the people that really invested in you and I knew better than anyone how it felt to lose everything that should have mattered because of 'SAMCRO'

"Why am I here, Clay? Not so long ago you were only happy to wave me off, you couldn't wait to see the back of me... it was a special day for you wasn't it? The day you took my cut off my back and told me my day's as a 'Son' had been spent?"

The gentle tap on the door only brought Clay time... I'd get the answers I wanted; I'd get it all from him.

Gemma placed a bottle of ice cold beer in front of us, she showed no signs of leaving again as she rested her arm over Clay's shoulders, perching on the arm of his chair as she looked across at me, hope clearly visible in her eyes "you gonna stay with us, Jackson? I've got your old room ready for you, clean sheets on the bed... I got your favourite for dinner, baby – steak!"

I stood up and pushed my hands deep into my jean pockets, the fingers of my left hand curled securely around my father's knife, it offered some comfort and I wanted nothing more than to slide it into Clay's bloated gut.

"I'm staying with, Ope" I cast a disgusted look over Clay; there wasn't a single person in the world that could persuade me to sleep under that man's roof.

The heat swamped me once more as I left the club, I grinned at the sight of my childhood friend straddled on my bike, it felt like the past 9 months hadn't passed us by, he pushed the beanie hat I'd brought him for his 21st birthday from his head, his smile widening as he strode over to me, our embrace full of brotherly love as I thumped his back "it's good to see you, brother!" he nodded in response and looked me over, a hint of concern evident on his face "it's been too long, brother!" he gave his head a brief shake "I dunno, this is weird, seeing you in civvies, no cut..."

It had taken long enough for me to get used to, not having the weighted leather resting over my back, not seeing it draped over the end of my bed each morning, it felt like one of my limbs had been cut off.

"Yeah, well it was worth it, my soul doesn't feel as heavy anymore, Ope... everything it stood for shackled me down, escaping my fate in 'SAMCRO' was the most pivotal moment in my life"

His brows furrowed as he pushed his hand slowly through his beard "you're not born again or anything, are you Jax?"

I slung my arm lazily over his shoulders "I'm still a 100% pussy loving, beer drinking, knife carrying, grease monkey, Redwood original, Ope... the only religious thing about me is the tequila I throw back every mornin' talking of tequila... I got a bottle of the good stuff, let's go sink it and see if Charming's female population has improved since I've been gone."

He hesitated and I'd known Opie long enough to know when there was something up with him, Opie was the brother I never had; His sister – Tara had been my childhood sweetheart, the three of us were inseparable growing up, although Tara had always been more interested in playing doctors then messing about with engine oil and climbing trees, she had always been a lady; she wasn't meant for Charming and she certainly wasn't meant for me; our relationship had been one of the biggest motivators for me to leave Charming.

"There's something you need to know, Jax..." I narrowed my eyes and studied Opie's face, he couldn't look at me, and instead he looked down at the gravel as he kicked against it absently with his boot.

"She's... met someone..."

I'd spent 9 months away from her and still those words caused an avalanche of feelings inside me, mostly anger. She had begged me not to go, told me that we could work things out, we could handle the horror that my life style had forced upon us but I'd been dragging her down, she had been given a wonderful opportunity to progress within her career at Charmings only hospital and in the time that we spent together that opportunity had been threatened more than once.

The incident with Clay had only convinced me that I had to leave Tara and Charming behind, it was the only way I could ensure her safety, Gemma had of course argued my decision, she had never been Tara's biggest fan and in her eyes it was Tara forcing me to leave; but I couldn't have stayed, she wouldn't have given up on us, she'd of fought with her last breath to persuade me we could work things out but I knew differently and abandoning her was my only real option.

I hadn't expected this though and I wasn't quite sure why, I should have known it wouldn't take long for her to be snapped up in my absence; Tara was the most beautiful woman I'd ever known and her soul made me feel like a better man.

"Well I'm glad, she deserves to be happy" I pulled on my helmet and forced a quick smile in Opie's direction "Common, brother... there's a bottle of tequila with our name on it"

His hand rested against the handle bar of my bike as I kicked it into life, my frustration was building now, I hadn't returned to be regaled in tales of Tara's love life.

"Ok, Ope... out with it! Just say what you've gotta say and let's get nose deep in pussy!"

He pulled his beanie back on his head, making a point of fiddling with it, he was nervous and I wasn't used to him acting this way.

"It's Tig, she's seeing Tig, Jackson"

I felt the ball of fury burning deep inside me like a fiery pit of hell and it slowly consumed me, I could have coped with it being a doctor from the hospital, after all that's what I'd expected but Tig!? He'd helped me build my first bike! He'd served as my brother and besides that we had laws, definite, unbreakable laws, fellow 'Son's' old ladies were off bounds, during or after a relationship with one of your brothers.

I spoke through clenched teeth, my knuckles white as I crushed my fingers against the handles of my bike "how long has it been going on?"

Opie looked at me now, his face serious "that's not important, Jax" I jumped off my bike and paced back and forth, my nostrils flaring as I tried to maintain my breathing, the past few months didn't matter, any positive changes I had made were demolished and the thought of Tigs hands all over the woman I'd loved... still did love pushed me back into that place again; I slowed and turned to look at Opie.

"He's dead; I'm gunna cut his heart out and feed it to him"


	2. Chapter 1 update 2

Thank you to everyone that has taken the time to read this... I hope you enjoy the next instalment...

Jax's Pov.

I left Opie behind, my initial anger subsided slightly and all I wanted now was answers, I needed to hear it from her, from Tara; she had let me leave with the understanding that I took her heart away with me! She told me there was none else that could make her feel like I did, she couldn't stomach the thought of any other man touching her... the way I touched her.

She had moved back to her father's house, I told her to stay in the home we had made together, I'd of taken care of any payments but she told me she couldn't stand living in an empty shell that we had once filled with our memories; I should have known the bitch couldn't wait to make a new set of memories with someone else... that someone being a man I trusted with my own life! A man I called 'brother'

The sound of a door closing broke the momentary trip into memory lane and as I looked up, there she was... She crossed the road quickly and opened the trunk to the car I had brought for her 30th birthday, I still remembered choosing it, and I knew she'd struggle to accept such a gift but she had eventually relented.

Her curtain of silky chestnut coloured hair hung loose down her back, it had grown since I'd last seen her and I suddenly felt the urge to run my fingers through it, I suddenly craved the feeling of it spread across my chest; giving my head a shake I focused on the anger once more, I focused on the nights she now lay in Tig's arms, his fingers travelling all over her, feeling every inch that I had once kissed.

She finished loading the trunk and suddenly stopped to look around, her brows furrowed as she tucked windswept strands of hair behind her ear, her head extended as she investigated the surrounding area and for a moment I thought she actually sensed my presence, maybe we had a connection that ran so deep she could feel me when I was near; and just as I debated moving from the shelter of the truck I'd stopped behind I saw him...

I watched a smile spread across her mouth, it was a smile I'd once thought she saved only for me; Tig sauntered down the drive, His smug face caused my fingers to sink even deeper into the metal of the handle bars, I felt like I could snap them in half as the rage ran through my veins quicker than blood.

I threw myself from my bike with force, the sight of his patch sending me over the edge and into a pit of anger... and that's when my gaze travelled, that was the moment my whole world turned upside down and inside out.

His arms encased the infant like a cloak; I pushed my hand inside my pocket, checking that my father's knife hadn't penetrated my body because the pain that shot through me felt like that of a steel blade sinking into my flesh.

I moved closer, no longer caring about being seen, I wanted to get a better look at the baby, it couldn't have been more than a month old and the calculations were already buzzing inside my head; she had clearly been bedding Tig long before my departure, the bitch had been treating me like a fool and the sudden hatred I felt for her consumed me.

The faint cry travelled through the breeze and stopped me in my tracks, I couldn't risk going anywhere near them, not when my actions could harm an innocent baby...

I roared past, not knowing or caring if they'd seen me, the landscape passed me in a blur and somehow my journey took me to Gemma's, maybe I needed her honesty or maybe I just needed the comfort of my Mom.

Things hadn't always been so strained between us, we had once shared a closeness that would leave the people sharing our lives feel as though they were on the outside, forever looking in; she wasn't just my Mom, she was my best friend and the person I trusted more then I trusted any other person in my life... Clay had changed all of that though, he snuck in through the back door, hiding behind the pretence of support and protection following the death of my father, it had started with fixing up things in the house, doing odd jobs for Gemma and then it had slowly progressed to staying for dinner... one day, he just didn't leave.

Clay wasn't a sudden arrival into our lives though, He had always been there, waiting in the background, waiting for my Father to lose everything and I had always known it; even as a kid I had been suspicious of Clay's intentions, being John's second in command meant him acting as his shadow and soon there were three people in Gemma's marriage.

I found the familiarity of the house a comfort and right now, considering what I had just witnessed, it was exactly what I needed.

I found Gemma perched on the chair, her elbows resting against the oversized, antique table, we'd had countless 'family' meals around that very table, each member of the club and their old ladies took a place, the food would spill over and drink flowed, kids ran around screaming and laughing and Clay sat at the head of the table staring over his Empire with pride.

I hesitated and hovered in the door way, watching as she stared absently out of the window, the only sound being the distant ticking of the large grandfather clock that stood behind me and the deep draw of smoke as she sucked against her cigarette.

I coughed gently and her moment of reflection was broken as she jumped up from her chair and opened her arms, she made no move to come to me, this was her home and in true Gemma fashion she remained the boss.

I stepped reluctantly into her embrace, I couldn't let the past go although it seemed like she didn't have any trouble in moving on and forgetting. I often wondered what it felt like to be Gemma, the hoard of secrets that lay buried inside her mind, I wondered if they kept her awake at night or if she locked them away so deep that she'd almost forgotten about them.

I took a cigarette from the pack and walked over to the window as she sat down at the table again. "What's going on, Jax?" I took the seat at the opposite end of the table as I looked down at my hands and inspected the roughness of my skin and the broken knuckles, they hadn't known much in the way of tenderness.

I finally met her eyes with my response "I hoped maybe you could tell me that..." the stern look on her face gave nothing away as she lit another cigarette.

"What did Opie tell you, Jackson?" I felt the frustration build inside me, she knew exactly what I was talking about but of course she wanted me to say it first.

"Don't play games with me, Mom! You know exactly what I mean! And you know exactly what Opie told me! He gave me a damn sight more then you did! Why didn't you tell me!?"

My anger got the best of me and I rose from the table with force, causing my chair to fall back behind me, I ground my teeth and felt saliva build in my mouth.

"All that time! All that time you let me stay away! You let another man... no! Not even just 'another man' you let one of my brother's move in on the only woman I've ever loved while I hopped from place to place trying to find myself! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME, GEMMA!?"

She blew a cloud of smoke and sucked in a sharp breath, of course she had been expecting this; she knew the moment that she called me back to Charming this would happen.

"It wasn't any of my business, Jackson; and anyway... why would you have cared? Why do you care now? You're the one that skipped town! As far as any of us were concerned you'd given up on all of us... why shouldn't Tara move on?"

I hadn't banked on her playing this card, Gemma hated Tara with every ounce of her being, and she always had... ever since we were children.

Opie had practically lived at my house; his parents got a divorce when he was 12, his Mom left to stay with her sister, taking a 10 year old Tara with her.

Opies mom couldn't deal with the club being a part of her life any longer, she wasn't like Gemma, she couldn't stand by her man, and she couldn't cope with the lonely nights, the not knowing if the next knock on the door would be the cops, telling her he had been taken in... Or worse still, he was injured... or dead.

Opie had been like me, he admired his father, He admired what he was a part of and he wanted to be a part of it to, the only difference between us had been our Mom's, Gemma wanted the club life for me, she wanted me to follow in my father's footsteps, to her it was the best possible life for me; Opies mom pushed her son away from the day he chose to go to a Motorcycle rally over helping throw a birthday party for his little sister; Gemma had been the only real mothering figure he had ever known and respected.

Tara arrived back in Charming when she started studying for her degree; I always knew she would be someone important, someone that would actually make a difference.

We fell together once more, and what had once been a childish fad became a relationship full of feelings and consequences; I suddenly drifted from the club, I spent less time watching the guys at work in the garage and more time with Tara... it didn't take Gemma long to pick up on it and it took even less time for her to dissolve it.

She knew I wouldn't knowingly put Tara in any kind of danger so she decided to do it for me.

Gemma's voice brought me back to the reality of my surroundings, her tone less harsh "listen, Jax... Tara wasted no time in getting over you; the bed wasn't even cold before she moved Tig into it! Is that really the type of woman you wanna waste your love on!?"

There was something she wasn't telling me, I had imagined this conversation going in many ways but the lack of concern she seemingly had for Tara's actions hadn't been one of them; suddenly I remembered something else about the unsuccessful visit I had paid Tara.

"There was a baby, mom! She had a baby!... is it... his? Is it Tig's baby?"

Gemma dropped the cigarette into the large marble ashtray and she looked long and hard at me "Jackson, you need to forget about Tara! That bitch can't keep her legs closed, let's face it she's never happier then when some guy is face deep in her shit"

She was stalling, trying to move away from my question, typical Gemma game playing; it didn't put me off though.

"The baby! Tell me about the baby, Gemma, if you don't tell me, I'll go to Ope and we both know I'll get the full, ugly truth from him..."

Her gaze fell behind me, her mouth pulled into a smile, pushing her chair back she walked past me.

"Hey, baby how you feelin'?" My teeth clenched together as I caught a glimpse of him walk past me, he threw his cut onto the table, making sure it was in my line of sight, discression had never been one of Clay's qualities.

He took Gemma's place at the head of the table and clutched his hands together, rubbing his fingers carefully over his knuckles, I looked up and caught his eye, his heavy brow held in a constant frown.

"And to what do we owe a visit from the long lost Prince?" his question directed at Gemma but his eyes never left me.

She moved behind him, desperate to keep him happy, I watched as she sunk her hands into his shoulders "He's come for his dinner, baby... you don't mind do you?"

I had no intention of eating at Clay's table, I rose from my seat and looked down at his cut, the words 'SAMCRO' brought a lump to my throat, I missed being a part of the brotherhood, I led a lonely life now.

"I'm not staying, Mom... I told you, I'm bunking down with Ope, I guess I'll get answers from him..."

She hesitated as my words sparked interest in Clay; he pulled forwards, her hands falling from his shoulders.

"What answers might they be, Jax?"

I looked from Gemma to Clay, her eyes were wide and panicked, He knew something and Gemma feared him telling me.

Clay had risen now and stood focused on me as Gemma stood between us, her eyes boring into Clay with warning as He waited for me to respond; I hated the fact that I might rely on him for anything, especially answers that involved the woman who's very life he had once threatened, but my desire to know the truth took immediate control.

"Tara... she has a baby, I need to know if Tig is the father, I need to know how long he's been sticking it in my old lady!"

Clay laughed hoarsely and he turned to Gemma briefly "You haven't told him!?" he laughed once more and Gemma rushed forwards, her hand gripping against his forearm "Clay! Please? This isn't the right way! I'll tell him... please, just let me do it? He's my son, Clay!"

He shrugged her off and moved closer to me, his eyes level with mine now and I stood my ground, my fists clenched and my cheeks flared, he didn't intimidate me, he never had.

I stumbled outside, unsure of how I'd gotten there, leaning over my bike as the bile filled my mouth and the ground seemed to move closer to my face, the muscles in my forearms twitched as I groaned deeply, Clay's parting words swam around in my head...

"He's your boy, Jax... He's your son"


	3. Chapter 1 update 3

Jax's Pov,

I couldn't face Opie, I needed space to digest what Clay had said, I needed to decide what I was going to do about the situation; Tara wouldn't get away with passing my child off as another man's! He was my son and I would have a part in his life.

I laid my leather jacket on the grass, sitting on top of it as I read the words on the gravestone "Here lay our brother John Teller, loving husband, father and son"

I hadn't been here in a long time and it was clear Gemma hadn't either, the weeds crept up the bottom of the rough slate, threatening to cover the words, I pulled them away and let my hand fall to the soft mound of grass.

I thought back to the day we had lowered him into the ground and I recalled every detail so vividly...

The sun beating down against my back, as I lowered my head and held Gemma's hand, she clung to me desperately and despite the fact that I had only been 16, I still towered over her, my shoulders broad and carrying not only my own pain but hers also.

I wore my father's cut on my back, only taking it off to rest it on top of his coffin; it was a tradition that a 'Son' was buried with his patch.

Clay stood close by, I had caught a glimpse of his hand resting against Gemma's lower back, His eyes unreadable as he covered them with sunglasses, his voice had faltered though as He spoke of John, his words seemingly sincere and I found myself wanting to believe him as He claimed to have felt like a part of him had been buried along with John and his cut, he said how the Club would serve in Johns memory, succeeding in every vision he had projected; I had learnt in time that Clay had no intention of pushing the Club in the direction my father would have wanted, in fact... he couldn't have moved it any further away.

Clay had a very specific plan for 'SAMCRO' and that plan included guns and women, He opened the first strip joint just two weeks after John's funeral, it was novelty at first, the guys enjoyed and even argued over shifts keeping watch over the girls as they performed. Opie had even taken part in a brief fling with the clubs most popular attraction, a buxom red head called Crystal, she wanted more than he was offering though and he soon put it to a swift end.

Clay got carried away very quickly and by the time the fourth club had opened its doors He had the girls working the streets and if they refused... he spared no thought in knocking sense into them with his fists.

Gemma had pushed him into accepting me as the youngest recruit that the Club had ever had, I was 18 when Clay presented me with my cut, I didn't have to go through the painful task of proving myself from Prospect to earning my patch, Clay told me that I had been proving myself since the day I had been born; It was my destiny to follow in my father's footsteps.

The wind picked up suddenly and the trip into my past faded, a chill ran up my bare forearms and I kissed Johns headstone, standing and picking up my jacket I took one final look at the grave and made my mind up, I had to see her... I had to speak to Tara.

The hospital was teaming with patients and doctors, I found it easy to slip past the main desk and make my way to Tara's office; the surroundings were more familiar than Gemma's house, I trailed my fingers over the worn, oak desk... memories of the day I laid her down against its smooth exterior, my hands moving down her body, feeling her soft skin against my fingers, the feeling of warmth as I lost myself inside her... her voice startled me and I turned, facing her, nothing had changed... she still commanded my heart.

"Jax! What are you doing here?" Her voice cautious and paralysed with shock, I made use of the moment of privacy, if Tig had any sense he would shadow her as much as possible... after all it hadn't taken her long to move on from me.

I perched on the edge of her desk casually, the last thing I wanted was for her to think her presence affected me, I'd clearly given her the upper hand for long enough now, the result of my current feelings were only proof of that.

Sucking against my bottom lip I raised my brows "Oh, ya know Darlin' just stopping by... checking in on everyone..." my lip curled in disgust as I said his name "So... how's Tig?"

Her paperwork scattered as she dropped the clip board she had been hugging close to her chest, tendrils of hair escaped her loose bun that rested at the nape of her neck, she blinked several times, her lips parted as she seemingly searched for an appropriate answer.

"I don't understand why you would ask me that, Jax!" I scoffed, her response surprised me, and I hadn't expected her to deny it.

I forced a casual smile, fixing my hard stare upon her face "oh I think you know, Tara... please don't treat me like a complete idiot! I've been back only a few hours and I'm already all caught up! So... how long did it take for Tig to get his dick inside you?"

She closed the door quickly behind her, walking over to me with determination and I caught a glimpse of fire in her eyes.

"Jax! In case you had forgotten, this is my place of work! Please don't do this here!" I stepped closer to her, the closer I got the more tempting it became to reach out and touch her; that was until the repulsion of who's body she had laid next to last night came over me.

"I don't care where we are, Tara! What I care about is the woman I lost everything for being screwed by the man I trusted with my life, behind my back! What I care about is the son I didn't know I had!" I moved closer still, she stood her ground and the sweetness of her scent washed over me suddenly, I could taste it at the back of my throat and I felt my head spin; how could she still do this to me!? After everything I felt a strong urge to feel the softness of her delicate lips against mine and to lose myself inside her.

I lowered the tone of my voice "Why didn't you tell me, Tara? You could have contacted me if you'd wanted to, you SHOULD have contacted me!" my voice rose slightly, the anger took hold of me and I clenched my fists into tight balls "Or did you not think I was worthy of that? Did you not think I would want that chance, the chance to be a father... to raise my son as my father raised me!?"

Tears formed in her eyes and she tried to furiously blink them away "see that's the thing! I didn't want that! I don't want that for him! And Tig... Tig understood that, he listened to me, Jax! He didn't try to control me or the situation, He took notice of what I said and he took me seriously! All he wanted to do was help me... be there for me..."

I stepped back and sunk into the worn, brown leather couch, my head was spinning, my vision blurred and I leant forwards, resting my elbows on my knees as I pinched the bridge of my nose; my voice was weak and I felt the results of the day come upon me suddenly, my body felt weary and I craved the bottle of tequila that Opie and I promised to sink, I needed the numbness that it would bring.

"You think that his intentions were innocent. Tara? Do you really believe all He wanted was to support you? You think He wanted to raise another man's baby? Jesus Christ... he has two children of his own that he doesn't see from one year to the next! What makes you think that He's transformed into Mr Perfect all for you!?"

She walked over the desk, dropping what paperwork she had left in her hands onto its surface before she sunk into the high backed chair; she looked across at me and smiled softly.

"What happened to us, Jax? How did we get to this stage?" she laughed half heartedly, her fingers tracing over the dainty bracelet that rested against her wrist; I'd brought her that very bracelet two Christmases ago and a bolt of surprise shot through me, surprise that she still wore it, surprise at the wistful way she looked at it.

"I thought we would be together for the rest of our lives, Jax...you promised me that once, do you remember?"

It didn't take much of a reminder to cast my mind back to that day in the park, the sound of children playing mixed with the gentle rush of breeze as it swept through the distant grass, the scent of her hair rose and engulfed me completely, the feeling of her soft hair beneath my fingers as I trailed them gently through individual strands, warmth rested against my chest as she lay her head down and I'd told her how perfect she was, how I would spend forever making her happy.

"Yes, I remember... and I also remember you promising your love to me, Tara! And look what happened there!"

She stood up suddenly and walked over to me I held my breath for what felt like hours, whenever she was around time stood still and I felt like a normal man; the crime, blood, deceit and bubbling anger drifted away, I wanted so desperately to reach out to her, to pull her into my body and feel her warmth mould against me, I couldn't do that... we'd gone past that stage.

"Jackson, you left me! You sat me down in this very office and you told me you couldn't do this anymore..." the tears that had threatened now tumbled down her cheeks "you told me that I had to accept what was and that we... that we had to give up on this, you said that they wouldn't let us be together, they wouldn't let us be happy!"

She meant Gemma and Clay, she meant the Club and she was right, we both knew that but it didn't stop me from blaming her, if only she had tried harder, begged me longer... maybe I would have stayed; it was the period of separation that really got me, she hadn't tried to contact me, not once! And it really wouldn't have been that hard for her to... after all, Gemma had managed it!

I looked up at her, the tears slowly dripping from her chin caused a stir of emotions inside me but I still couldn't forgive her, I couldn't take her in my arms and comfort her, part of me believed she was only feeling what she deserved to feel.

I pushed past her, even the brief moment of contact with her body caused the hairs on my arms to stand on end; the walls closed in on me suddenly and I felt my throat constricting... I had to get out of here.

I paused as my hand rested on the door, not bothering to turn and face her "you could have come with me, Tara! We would have been happy... you, me and our son"

I didn't give her the chance to respond, I couldn't curb my anger for much longer and as much as I hated her, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I lost control and hurt her... and with me, that was highly possible.

I welcomed the warmth of the outside; the air inside a Hospital was suffocating and mixed with the unappealing stench of Hospital food... I felt my stomach turning.

I rode my bike as the dusk set in, the familiar roads brought a calmness over me and the gentle rush of wind pushing against me as I continued forwards refreshed my senses, the time I had spent with Tara in the Hospital had threatened to send me over the edge, I felt the old me fighting his way forward and I'd spent too long in the past few months exorcising that demon for him to return so easily.

Opie looked up as I stopped, He had moved into his father's cabin after his death, he felt closer to him here and If I was honest, I'd been glad the day he made that decision; since the death of John and my fallout with Clay, Opie's father Piney had been the one remaining father figure I had and I respected everything about him... especially his defiance against Clay; Piney chose to leave the club two years prior to my own departure, he spent the time he had left in this very cabin, Opie believed that had been the cause of his death, he believed Piney stagnated, the loss of the Club caused his body and mind to shut down to life.

He set down his bottle of beer and walked over to me, his hand brushing over the warm exterior of my bike; although his wasn't dissimilar he had always envied the body work on my Harley.

"I thought you were gunna be a no show, brother! You stop by Gemma's?"

I threw a duffle bag over to him and grabbed the other and my helmet, hooking my aviators into the pocket of my jacket as we walked into the cabin.

I felt anxious about telling Opie where I had been, his lack of relationship with his sister made my own relationship with her extremely difficult, I recalled the day we had told Opie that we were officially an item... he felt abandoned by me, let down and it had taken a long time for me to get through to him again.

"I went to see Tara, Ope... I had to see her, you understand that... right?"

He stood with his back facing me, his vest exposing his tattoo's one of which matched mine... 'The Reaper' was the Son's signature symbol and every member gave it pride of place upon their back, in my case it just served as a constant reminder to what I'd lost, what I'd walked away from and some days I couldn't help but regret that day that I had walked away.

He leaned forwards against the window frame, still not looking at me and I took advantage of that to take in the familiar surroundings, He'd not changed much about the Cabin and I couldn't help but smile... I imagined Opie turning into his father and I couldn't help but hope for that, it would be his saviour.

"Don't let her cloud your mind again, Jax! That sister of mine will be your demise! She's already pussy whipped Tig to within an inch of his life! You know he's talkin' about leaving with her?"

I tried to sound as casual as I could manage, despite the venom bubbling beneath the surface, I took a swig of beer and threw myself down into the threadbare couch "oh yeah? Where they goin'?"

Opie turned to face me now, his bulky frame blocked out the dusky light that penetrated the window. He pushed the hair that had stuck to his sweat beaded forehead back, his eyes searching me, trying to work out how I really felt about that news.

"I dunno, Jax and to be honest...I don't care! Tara has been nothin' but a noose around your neck and mine, I'll be glad to see the back of her! And you should be to!"

I took another deep gulp of beer and felt some of the liquid trickle down my beard, wiping the back of my hand across my face I nodded in response to his statement.

"Amen to that, Brother! I'm done with women, well... that is unless there's one on the end of my dick!"

He laughed and held his bottle of beer up "here's to having you home, Brother... the place hasn't been the same without you!"

A realisation hit me suddenly, Opie thought I was back! He thought I planned on staying, probably that I'd be moving into the cabin with him and definitely that I'd be pleading with Clay to take me back, to re-instate me into the Club.

"I'm not sticking around, Ope! I came to see the asshole that took over my family waste away! But now that I'm here, it wasn't worth the bike ride! I don't need to see him fade into nothin' because in my head... he's dead anyway"

The laughter stopped now and his face twisted, a bead of sweat fell over his forehead "You can't leave, Jax! I need you here! The Club needs you!"

I narrowed my eyes; the usual bolshie confidence had left his voice.

"What's going on, Ope!?" He looked up at the mug shot of Piney that hung crooked on the wall next to me.

"We're smuggling drugs, Jax! Fuck it! We're growing them, importing them, selling them! Half of the boys are takin' them now to! We're in deep, Brother... everything John, Piney and even you fought against has happened anyway! You gotta help me, Jax! You gotta help me make everythin' right! You gotta help me get the Club back to the way it should be!"

I wished what Opie had told me caused even a fraction of surprise but it hadn't... I knew the fate of the Club before I'd left.

Things were different now though, Clay was weak and that gave me an advantage... I could sneak in through the back door and he'd not even notice; I had a reason to stay now... I had a son.


	4. Chapter 1 update 4

Jax's Pov

I looked across at the spider as it scuttled across the splintered flooring, blinking my eyes several times whilst I attempted to focus, my head felt heavy and I couldn't face moving it, instead I straightened my legs, they were wedged between the couch and the wall... I had no memory of how I ended up on the floor, I blamed the tequila.

Opie groaned as he slumped down on the couch in front of me, his head rested back against the head rest, I used his ability to stand and walk as my own encouragement to sit up; the rush of blood targeted my head and my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth in protest.

His husky laugh penetrated my skull and I found myself gritting my teeth together in an attempt to push out the stabbing pain that spread across my forehead and down the back of my neck, I'd been pretty dry in terms of alcohol the past few months and last night's binge had taken its toll on my body.

"You look rough, Brother!" Opie held out his own bottle of beer toward me "Hangover cure?"

I swallowed, trying desperately to wet my mouth before swigging from the bottle, the cool and bitter liquid tasted surprisingly refreshing and I found myself gulping back the rest.

I forced myself to stand, my shirt bore the results of last night as I smelt a strong odour of beer, my hair felt dirty and I trucked it behind my ears, desperate to take a shower and wash my first day in Charming down the plughole.

The water refreshed me, my body felt invigorated and I was ready for the day ahead, I was ready to confront Tig and I'd decided that today would be the day that my son would meet his father.

Opie was outside working on his bike, his hair pulled into a loose knot at the base of his neck as he wiped the sweat from his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt, I admired the simple life he had made for himself, I envied it in fact; I pulled on a clean shirt and left my hair to dry naturally, I pushed it behind my ears and welcomed the cool sensation against my neck as the humid air hit me.

Opie looked up as I walked straight past him and towards my bike "I thought we could meet up with the guys later, Jax... sink a few beers... for old time's sake?"

I considered his suggestion, a part of me wanted to resume my old relationship with the guys, I wanted that sense of belonging, the feeling of security that being surrounded by your brothers gave you... but they weren't my brothers anymore...

I pulled on my helmet and started the engine up, shouting slightly to be heard over its purr "I dunno, Ope... it's not quite that simple now! I'm not a part of the club anymore, anyway... Clay wouldn't allow it!"

The last part was said with a touch of sarcasm, we both knew that I didn't care one bit about what Clay thought or what Clay wanted.

I left him with the promise that I would consider it and before He could ask where I planned on spending the day I left a cloud of kicked up dust in my wake.

I felt relaxed for the first time since coming back, maybe that was the freedom of the open road, the reality of how in control I was, I could just carry on going, not stop until I was shot of Charming... I could ride into the night and wipe the past 24 hours from my mind; one thing I knew I couldn't forget was my son and I couldn't forget what they had done to me... not only Tara and Tig but also my own mother and Clay, they were the reason I missed out on Tara announcing her pregnancy through a beaming smile, they were the reason I wasn't there to welcome my son into the world, to be the first face he saw, the first voice he heard... they were the reason I'd lost my family.

I sat on my bike and watched the house, Tara would be leaving for work anytime soon and that would be my chance, if the previous day had been anything to go by... Tig didn't make moves until after he'd seen her safely into her car... what a Prince!

And as if on cue he closed the driver door and leant in through the window for a kiss, I felt a ball of fury erupt inside my stomach and I fought desperately against myself not to throw my bike to the ground and crush his skull under my hands; I had a plan though... and I had to stick to that plan.

I waited until her car turned out of sight and Tig made for the house, cracking my knuckles I waited for him to come to the door.

He thrust his hand forward and into mine, his arm gripping my shoulder as He pulled me against him in a tight hug "Jax! What a surprise! It's good to see you, Brother!"

I bit against my lip so hard I tasted the salty iron as bloody entered my mouth, Tara had chosen not to speak of my visit to her office, and Tig wasn't intelligent enough to pretend he wasn't aware I was back in town.

"Gemma called, she asked me to come back..." He nodded and guided me inside, It felt like his hand was burning through my shirt and I thrust my hands into my jean pockets just to resist the strong urge to reach around and break his arm, I didn't want him touching me, not even for a second and I didn't want him treating me like his brother... not now... not ever again.

I noticed the crib next to the bed as I followed Tig into the familiar kitchen, He hesitated and grabbed two bottles of beer, holding one out to me as He knocked his bottle against mine; He looked around and then back at me, watching as I took in the personal effects that I knew didn't belong to Tara, the large Harley clock that hung on the wall ahead of me being one of them.

He followed my stare and laughed nervously "She hates it..." I sucked against my bottom lip, my stubble catching against my tongue "Yeah, well... Tara never was big on bike memorabilia, that why you invited me in, Tig? Wanted to show me your collectables?"

He lifted his head and took a step towards me "do we have a problem, Jax? Because you've been gone for months y'know? You couldn't expect her to just sit around and wait for you! Tara is a passionate woman and she deserves..." I cut him off, I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself if I allowed him to say any more about Tara and what she deserved, I held my palm up, shaking my head as I pushed both hands through my hair "Just stop, Tig! We were brothers and I'm not about to let a piece of ass come between that! Bro's before Hoe's right?"

He embraced me once more, this time it was relaxed... He'd brought into my act and now all I needed was to convince Gemma to get me back into the Club, with Clay struggling to ride there would soon be a re-vote, they'd need a new leader and if I wanted to have my revenge, not only on Tig and Tara but Gemma and Clay too... I needed to be the result of that vote.

...

I left the house before Tara got wind of my visit; Tig hadn't mentioned the baby... my son! And I wanted to keep it that way, the less He knew I was aware of, the better; I asked him not to mention I'd stopped by to Tara... she'd find out of course, because I would accidently let it slip on my next trip by the hospital, I'd already laid the ground work for my plan; Tara would be furious and hurt by Tig keeping such a big thing from her, if there's one thing Tara hated it was being lied to.

The Club house came into view and I pulled my bike up, Opie's bike wasn't there and I wanted to wait for his arrival before entering the territory that I had once commanded, there were Club rules to abide by and walking into a Patch dominated Club house if you weren't a member, with a member or fucking a member was strictly forbidden and could result in you loosing an important part of your anatomy.

I found myself wandering over to the workshop, the smell of engine oil and dirt took me back to a comforting memory...

I sat watching my father tinkering with his bike, he'd gaze lovingly at his 'Harley Davidson Dyna-Glide', and I myself had that very same bike now, not my father's but a newer version...

"D" he would call 'her' she was his pride and joy; "a biker always treats his bike just as he would treat his old Lady, son" I remember sitting and listening intently to his words of advice, I hung on every last thing he said, John's word was Gospel to me.

I passed him the cloth and watched as he buffed every surface "you treat your ride good, she'll treat you good, disrespect her, neglect her and she'll crush your balls... just like your mother will mine if I don't get you home for dinner soon!"

He ruffled my hair and bent down, allowing me to catch a ride on his back.

I felt my eyes moisten at the recollection and the realisation that I too had a son! And I wanted that, I wanted the relationship I'd had with John and I knew that I'd do whatever I had to in order to make sure of it... even if it meant taking Tara down in the process.

"Long time, no see, Stranger..." the corner of my mouth lifted in a crooked smile as I recalled the familiar voice, Chibs pulled me into a tight hug, his hands gripping my shoulders as he pulled me away again "let me get a good look at you, Jacky-boy! You've bulked up! You got a boyfriend at the gym, son?"

I scoffed at his jovial comment, for the first time since my return I felt like I belonged again, I felt like the past few months hadn't happened.

Chibs slung his arm over my shoulder and guided me towards the Club house and I couldn't help but feel apprehensive; the Club had been empty of members when I first arrived but I now recognised the bikes that rested out front, the only one missing from the line up had been my own.

Chibs clearly aware of my resistance to go forwards as we approached the entrance, he stopped with a serious expression set upon his face "No one blames, you Jax! We all understand why you left" I felt grateful for his attempt at reassurance, I'd spent the past few months inside my own head and at the forefront of it had been concern over what they thought of me, how they perceived my decision to leave, did they see it as me running away scared? Did they think I'd allowed Clay to beat me down and overpower me? Or did they realise it was all I could do to keep Tara safe?

"I don't deserve a pass, Chibs! I walked out on my brothers and I knew what that meant, I know I can't just breeze back through town and expect my slate to be wiped clean!" I leaned closer, my voice low as I remembered where we were "but I need your help, brother... I need back in with the Son's, will you help me?"

He grinned and pulled me close once more "We'll take him down together Jacky-boy, we will bury Clay Morrow"


	5. Chapter update 1

Jax's Pov.

The general noise lessened until eventually the only sound that was that of the Jukebox; Chibs pushed me forwards, and the place I had once counted as my home seemed alien to me, it's inhabitants even more so.

Tig looked up from his bottle of beer and forced a smile, the hint of nerves were obvious to me though and I felt certain that Chibs had picked up on the tension that radiated off of me, he flicked his gaze between the both of us but He still stood at my side.

Juice and Bobby were the first to acknowledge me, Bobby raised his bottle and tilted it towards me with a slight nod of his head and Juice rose to meet me, he took my hand between his own and kept his grip firm but friendly "good to see'ya, Jax" I allowed a faint smile in his direction and returned his handshake "and you, Brother".

Happy sauntered past us and out of sight, I hadn't expected much more from him, he had joined our sector only a month before my departure and his opinion of Clay had been clouded by gratitude for his place within the Club; He had no real opinion of me and I was fine with that.

Chibs handed me a beer and pulled out a chair for me, I declined the offer though; I knew that I wasn't entitled to drink at their table anymore.

Bobby lowered his glasses further down his wonky nose and took me in "where you been, Jax?" I leaned back against the pool table and touched the neck of the bottle against my bottom lip, I hadn't yet decided exactly how much information and truth I would give the guys, I knew that there were certain cards I'd play close to my chest though.

I felt their eyes concentrating on me; the chatter subsided "around, Bobby... y'know?" He pushed his glasses back up his nose and picked up his helmet, spitting on it as he used his shirt to shine it up "well no, Jax... I don't know" he looked up at me once more, dropping the helmet onto the rough surface of the table, his chair scraped against the floor as He stood suddenly; I straightened my own posture and lifted my chin slightly, I may not be a part of the pack anymore but that didn't mean I was the runt of the litter...

"What I do know is that you abandoned your brothers because of a grudge! Because of a grudge against the man that raised you as his own!" his voice rose with each word and the anger was evident over his face.

"You walked away and went against everything we sign up for, Jax! And what for? A piece of ass that thinks her shit don't stink! Well I can tell you somethin' for free... she ain't any different from every other pussy on legs that walks around this Town and she certainly ain't worth turning your back on family!"

I felt the muscles in my forearms twitch, I clenched my jaw and gritted my teeth together; despite the crap Tara had put me through the familiar, protective rage still swam through me whenever someone disrespected her.

Chibs slung his arm over my shoulder and stepped forwards "I invited Jax here for a drink with his brothers! We're not gunna make that uncomfortable for him are we boys?"

Bobby sighed and slumped back down onto his chair, He'd said his piece... not that I thought that would be the end of it, He'd bide his time and approach me when Chibs wasn't around to interrupt.

Tig raised his bottle and tilted it forwards "Well I'm glad to have you back, Jackson..." his voice faltered slightly as his eyes cut to the table "are you... back? I mean, back to stay?"

I felt several pairs of eyes were watching me with anticipation, waiting for my answer...

The truth was, I hadn't planned on sticking around any longer then I had to but my initial plans had changed drastically since I found out about my son, I wouldn't leave him behind again!

Opie saved me this time, He sauntered over to the table where Chibs and I sat, handing me another bottle of beer as he pulled up a chair.

He lifted his brows as he watched me "How does it feel?" he took a swig of beer "being back here?"

Chibs nudged my arm before I could answer, his neck extended as he looked over Opies shoulder, Clay removed his sunglasses and scanned the bar, the chatter died down suddenly and He focused on me, his jaw set and I felt my body stiffen.

I locked eyes with him, He would look away before I did, and I wouldn't back down to him, not anymore.

Chibs called me under his breath, desperate to distract me from what could turn into a potential situation, Opie sat up straight and I felt an immediate alliance with my two companions, they had chosen their side; I had always expected Opie to stick by me but not the others.

"Jacky boy, don't let him get the better of you, not here, not in front of the boys!" I shook my head and watched as he disappeared inside the Chapel, He knew that his time as President was up, his body failed him and despite how sharp his mind might be, it wasn't enough to keep him at the head of the table.

I patted Opie's back as I walked past "I'm heading off, brother... gunna go and see Gemma... especially now that I know he's not home, I'll see you back at the cabin later?"

Opie nodded and picked up my half finished bottle of beer, Chibs stood and clasped my hand strongly as he pulled me closer and spoke against my ear "we got your back, brother... I'll be in touch"

I caught sight of Gemma as my bike pulled up, she wore a pair of skin tight jeans and a loose fit sweater, her hair falling over her shoulders as she pulled off the gardening gloves and stood up, Id had to deal with all of my friends having a crush on her at some point in my life, including Opie.

She stroked her hand over the handle bars of my bike and smiled softly "You're takin' good care of her, Darlin' she looks healthy"

Gemma knew almost as much about bikes as I did, years of being an 'Old lady' had rubbed off on her. I admired that about her, the dedication she had towards the Club, she was possibly its longest running, living member and bar far the most loyal, everything Gemma did was for the good of the Club... her family.

"Why didn't you tell me about my son, mom? See what I don't understand is the fact that you didn't think twice about calling me back because your husband can't handle the ride anymore but you couldn't find your way to telling me the woman I love gave birth to my son!" My voice rose as I continued, she didn't try to defend her actions.

"What good would it have done, Jackson? What would it have changed? Except not only would Tara be in danger... Thomas would be too!"

The mention of his name was like a blow to the gut, not only was it the first time I heard it but it also belonged to my elder brother. I admired Thomas, He made other life choices, he couldn't wait to escape Charming he joined the Army as soon as he could just as our father once had.

John had served with Clay before 'The sons' were formed in Charming, Gemma often said that they needed that sense of belonging, they needed a brotherhood to deal with the demons that war had created inside them.

I was only a kid when Thomas left, I remembered so vividly running after him, not knowing why he was abandoning me, my cries for him to come back fell on deaf ears, He continued forward regardless... I would have cried harder, clung to him to stay if I'd realised that would be the last time I'd see my brother.

Thomas was killed in action two months later and Gemma spiralled out of control, the premature loss of her first born pushed her even deeper into the bosom of the Club and into the arms of Clay Morrow.

Clay told me that was when my father started to change, he became consumed with his own guilt, he'd pour over a journal all day and all night, his hair hanging lank over his face, not washing, not eating... that's when the accident happened.

I'd been out with Opie; we spent the humid afternoons on our dirt bikes, racing each other for marbles.

I heard the agonised screams from down the block, I knew instantly it was Gemma, I knew instantly my father was gone.

I blinked several times and forced myself back to that moment with her, her recent words still echoed inside my head as I fell back against my bike, thankful for its support.

It felt like a thousand nerves were exploding inside my head and I clutched against my forehead, desperate to minimise the pain.

I found my way to part my eyes and look at her, she watched me intently, her hand reaching out slightly and I could tell she was desperate to comfort me, despite all of Gemma's many flaws she took being a mom seriously.

"She called him Thomas!?" her response was silent as she merely nodded her head "I guess she felt like she owed you at least that...although if you ask me..." I held up my hand "stop! Mom, just stop! I'm so sick and tired of this! My whole life I've had to battle against someone and I've had enough! I refuse to referee between you and Tara anymore!"

A stern expression set across her face, she pouted her lips and pulled her arm back, her hand resting against her hip "well I'm sorry, Darlin' but I don't roll over for anyone... especially not that little bitch! She's not fit to be the mother of your child! I mean, common'! Living with Tig!? Is he really the kinda example you want set to your son?"

Her words struck a realisation in me, I wasn't happy about Tig bringing up my boy! He was Tara's choice, not mine and I made a decision in that moment... Tig wouldn't play a part in Thomas's life... neither would Tara.


	6. Chapter 2 update 2

Jax's pov.

I spent the next couple of days clear of Tara and the Clubhouse, I had to keep my mind clear and my senses sharp, I knew they were the only risks I faced in my judgement being clouded.

Opie had been spending the day with his kids, He had split from their mom two years ago and she couldn't wait to steal them away from the 'violent' environment that surrounded their father; Donna never agreed with the 'Club' lifestyle, she wasn't cut out to be an Old lady.

I used the space to get my head together and work out a plan of action, I intended on executing my revenge on not only Tara and Tig but also on Clay and Gemma...

I swigged the bourbon as the humid night air engulfed me, the peace that surrounded the cabin was almost deafening and my head buzzed, everything about Charming catapulted me back in time and I found myself drowning in the memories.

The dream engulfed me and I allowed myself to fall deeper inside it... John left me rolling the balls around the pool table with the palm of my hand; at the age of 10 I was already immune to the stench of tobacco and alcohol.

My eyes followed my father as He walked across the room, stopping briefly to give me a reassuring wink before he disappeared behind the heavy, dark wood door; the Club house was empty, the only sound coming from the Jukebox, I couldn't place the song but it was familiar to me.

Piney roughled my hair with his hand as He walked in to the empty room "you waitin' on your dad, kid?" I nodded and flashed him my trademark smile, 'face of an Angel' my mom would say... 'That smile will get you into Heaven, Son'

Piney threw a pack of peanuts over to me before winking and heading out to the garage, I'd grown up with so many father figures, back then I thought we were all family, I acknowledged any adult I came into contact with as 'Aunt' or 'Uncle' it was the way Club should have remained, family was key and the members children were held closely within the bosom of 'The Sons'

As the club emptied once more I caught a quick look around and edged my way closer to the door, although the Club house was a second home to me, there was one room I had been forbidden to enter, I watched the members come and go, sometimes disappearing inside for hours at a time, I knew not to ask too many questions though my Mom would tell me it was business, I needn't concern myself with it.

I knew I couldn't let the opportunity pass me by though, I'd never had the chance to get quite this close before and my excitement only increased further as I noticed the slight gap in the door, placing my palms against its exterior I rested my ear firmly on the cold surface, the voices muffled at first but I found myself growing accustomed to it. "It's not the way we do things, Clay! I will not have the direction of this Club being manipulated by you!"

"See that's the problem with you, John... you lack ambition! Left to you this Club would be full of deadbeats! I have vision and the guys wanna expand, John! They're not into all your hippy bullshit! Peace is love and all that crap!"

I held my breath, I'd never heard my father and Clay like this before, they were usually so close... like brothers!

I couldn't help but jump slightly, my father's voice sounded as I'd never heard it before, his usually calm tone was replaced with one of rage.

"It's not your right to discuss this club and its direction with any member outside of this room! You got Club business to talk about, bring it to the table! I am sick of your shit, Clay! You interfere in my home life, now my Club! What's next? You want my son to start calling you dad?"

The mention of me caused my stomach to summersault, I panicked that John could sense my intrusion into their conversation and my body screamed at me to turn and run... before he caught me red handed; but something forced me to stay.

The echo of the fist slamming against the surface of the table caused me to jump; I recognised the bellow of Clays voice "Well one of them should!"

I felt sick to the deepest pit of my stomach; I swallowed deeply and continued to hold my breath, it was imperative for me to hear John's response.

The voice behind me caused me to turn immediately, my eyes wide as I thought quickly for my answer.

"Jackson Teller, what are you doing with your young ear against that door!? Get outside and help Tig clear up the garage!" I couldn't remember resenting Gemma anymore then I did at that moment.

The familiar and distant rumble of the engine caused me to stir, the frustration of the memory swam through me as I rubbed my fingers against my eyes, the evening and cooled and the sun had almost completely shrunk behind the trees ahead.

I dropped my head between my legs and took several deep breaths, the dream had forced its way into the forefront of my mind, my subconscious had caused me to remember again and I found myself wondering why I had allowed it to cover such an important memory, the answer remained unanswered and it was about time that changed.

Opie's boots echoed on the wooden steps as he neared, his sturdy body causing the veranda to groan as he leant against its structure, he pulled off his beanie and handed me a bottle of beer, the silence that followed told me more than any words could, He pitied me, probably recognised the situation as history repeating itself, His father had lived his last years confined to this very cabin, pouring his soul into countless whisky bottles.

Finally the silence was broken "what are you doing, brother?" I took a gulp of beer and found myself better acquainted with the smooth, bitter taste since my first return back to Charming.

"I'm sticking around, I'm not running from life anymore, Ope; I can't run anymore, not now that I have him!"

"And you think Tara is gonna' let you be a part of his life? And what about Clay and Gemma? You left because of them in the first place! They will pull you apart, turn you inside out! And now that Gemma knows how vulnerable you are, because of Thomas... well, she won't think twice about using him against you! She's always wanted to control your life and now she has the perfect chance!"

Although I appreciated his concern, Opie's words only served to frustrate me, the dream still blurred inside my head, affecting my actions and I found myself desperately seeking answers, as a child I had so clearly pushed that memory away, fearing the truth... but now... now that I had become a man, capable of handling the truth, I needed to know what Clay had meant that afternoon, did his words hold any meaning at all or were they a vicious attempt at causing my father internal damage, did Clay believe that he could be the undoing of John with venomous words?

The gentle breeze refreshed me, the desert landscape passed me by, each section offering further recognition, I cut the power on my bike and walked it the few feet, stopping just two houses down, I didn't want to alert Clay of my arrival... not until the time was right.

It was past 9:00 and I knew he would excuse himself to the garage, He spent most evenings smoking pot and tinkering with his bike, although I wasn't sure if his ailing limbs still allowed him that luxury; as I contemplated approaching the front door I noticed the porch light flicker on as his bulky figure moved in the dark, towards the garage; I begrudged him the use of a space my father had once dominated, it was funny though... it didn't bother me that he slept in my father's bed, ate at his table.

The music disguised my approach... clutching his heart he spat out the spliff "Jesus Christ, Jackson! You tryin' to kill me!?" the sudden look on his face told me that he already knew the answer to that question.

I smirked and looked past him, Johns bike sat at the back of the garage, a cover draped over it and I felt a surge of anger, it shouldn't have been left to the constraints of the cold and dark, it should have taken pride of place in the Club house, my father hadn't been 'just another member' He was a founder of the Charming sector, He was someone to SAMCRO.

Lighting up a smoke I nodded towards the half built 1977 Sportster, He didn't seem any further along then he'd been before I left, it was just another area where Clay came second to John, he had never been all to handy with bikes; I on the other hand had been gifted, spending most of my childhood around bikes, watching John tinkering with them had paid off.

"She still whipping your ass, Clay?" His heavy brow knitted together as He frowned in concentration, his hand clearly shaking as He forced himself to continue.

"Yeah, well I've never let anything beat me..." he is cool gaze moved over me before settling back on the bike once more "you know that, Jackson"

I found myself laughing lightly, His steely attitude amused me. I felt the seriousness of my earlier dream consume me once more, there had been a reason for my visit, and I certainly hadn't come here to pass the time of day with him.

Planting my feet firmly against the floor I folded my arms and waited for him to drop his tools and stand to face me "so, what can I do for you, Son?" the sound of his voice carrying that word still caused unlimited aggression inside me, my knuckles clicked as I tightened my hands into fists, the desire to cave his head in was almost unbearable and gritting my teeth I responded to his question "I remember something..." he sniggered and wiped the dirty rag across his forehead "Oh yeah? And what's that, Son?"

I couldn't control the feeling any longer, rushing forwards I pushed my body weight against him, knocking him against the rough wall, spitting my words with venom, my jaw locked "you don't get to call me son! How many more times? You're nothing to me, Clay! Do you hear me? I don't care what Gemma thinks... she never was a good judge of character!" I felt laughter build up at the back of my throat "you think she loves you don't you? You think she wanted her life to be with you, that she wanted to build a home with you? But the truth is... you could never be her first choice! You aren't him, Clay! You aren't my father... you mean nothing to me! NOTHING!"

His voice sounded weak, almost hopeless and as I heard his words the world fell away from me, I knew I was standing before him but I couldn't feel my feet as they stuck to the ground... I felt hollow...

"I should mean something, Jackson! I'm your father... you are my son, my boy..."


	7. Chapter 2 update 3

Authors note: - I just wanted to thank you all for reading this, it really means a lot and keeps me going, all feedback gratefully received.

Jax's Pov.

It didn't matter how fast I went, it didn't matter how much distance I put between us... I could still hear his words ringing in my head "you are my son... my boy!"

Gritting my teeth I pushed my hand harder against the accelerator, my body driving me forwards in a blind rage.

I found myself kneeling at the grave of the man I had called 'dad' every moment of hardship or sorrow seemed to drive me here, it was the one place I felt at peace; maybe it was because the only remaining closeness I had with John was here... or maybe it was the solitude I craved... it felt different tonight though, something was missing.

The grass was damp beneath my knees and I felt the cold soaking through my jeans, humidity settled at dusk, it was the one time anything in Charming felt fresh. I ran my hands over the slightly raised mound of earth, I always wished John could hear me when I visited but now I wished it more than ever; he could give me the answers I so desperately craved, He could put right or wrong to Clay's claims. I doubted him the moment that the words had left his mouth but that was only because I wanted his words to be lies, the thought of that twisted man being my father caused a sickening feeling deep in my gut.

I pulled my knees up against my chest and rested my cheek against them, it felt good to close my eyes, to relax my mind and let it wander to anything but Clay.

Thomas threw me over his shoulder, running across the back yard as we fell down onto the ground, his laughter ringing through my ears "hey it's your turn to get the lemonade, baby brother!"

I sighed and ran in the direction of the house; mom always kept a heavy stock... her boys would never go without!

I hesitated, Clay's back filled the door frame, and he spoke in hushed tones "I know, Darlin' but we've just gotta hang in there a little while longer... I'm workin' on it, babe... just trust me!" it wasn't what he said... it was the way he said it and even as a 5 year old boy, I knew it wasn't right, it wasn't right for my uncle Clay to be so intimate with my mom.

I awoke with a jolt, the sudden drop in temperature swept over my bear arms and I felt my skin prickle, I looked around and took in my surroundings, the graveyard cloaked in darkness and somehow that made it even more peaceful; although tempted to stay I knew I couldn't, hiding out amongst the dead wasn't gonna' solve anything.

Gemma looked up from her place at the family table, her hands folding and unfolding before scrambling of a smoke, she looked tired, the years of being an old lady hadn't played fair and the heaviness of her heart was showing.

"Hey darlin', you eaten?"

I stared hard at her, I felt a mixture of pity and loathing, she knew her whole world was about to crumble around her, the maze of lies she had fed me since I was a child were unfolding second by second and all she could think to do was fuss, despite her selfishness, being a mom came above anything else, she would die committed to that role.

I pulled out the chair and slumped down, the impact of my return to Charming suddenly hitting me, I hadn't planned on dealing with the truth that had been thrown at me and a big part of me wanted to forget it all, to go back to being a loner, riding from place to place... calling nowhere home.

"were you ever gonna' tell me?" Her eyes stayed clear of my face, only resting on the same spot of the table as she rubbed her finger over a dent in its surface.

"Jackson, it's not as simple as that! Your father, he..." I cut her off before she could end the sentence; I wouldn't allow either one of them to blame him.

"NO! You're not gonna' do this! You're not gonna' blame a man that stuck by you... even though you were carrying a baby that was fathered by one of his brothers!" my anger got the better of me and I stood, the chair falling onto its side as I paced back and forth, I suddenly felt trapped, the kitchen had never seemed so small.

"How could you do that to him? How could you do that to ME! To Thomas? We were a family, Gemma!" She closed the space between us, pleading in her eyes as she rested her hand against my forearm "baby, we're still a family! You, your father and brother were my life! Everything I did was for the three of you; nothing could ever change my love for my boys!"

Clenching my teeth I focused on her eyes, my breathing ragged as I spoke slowly and clearly "you lost all rights to call us a family the moment you allowed Clay Morrow to stick his dick inside you! You make me sick! You're no better than any other whore in this Town!"

Her hand struck my face before I finished my last word, she had sealed the conversation and any fragment of a relationship we might have had with her final action; her voice shaken and full of emotion as she called after me "Jackson, baby! Please don't leave... I'm... I'm sorry! I never meant to hurt you! I never meant for you to find out this way..."

I turned to face her once more as I hesitated at the front door "no, you didn't mean for me to find out at all, and I don't know what's worse!"

Her cries echoed in my head as I slammed the door shut behind me, I had the truth now, Clay was my father and nothing made sense anymore.

I couldn't remember how I got to the strip bar, I couldn't remember making that decision or what had driven me to it, maybe it was the gut wrenching loneliness I now felt, maybe I craved comfort so desperately.

The beer was warm and the seats worn, it was loud though, so loud it drowned out the thoughts buzzing inside my head; leaning back against the wall I took a generous swig of beer and cast my eyes around the dimly lit room until they rested on her, I wondered if the stress of the day had caused hallucinations but it didn't matter how often I rubbed my fingers against my eyes, the image in front of me remained the same.

I moved closer, pushing my way past the overweight 40 something's and excitable pre pubescent teenagers, I stopped at the foot of the main stage, gripping against the rough edge, my fingers threatening to sink into its exterior.

The music vibrated through my body and I watched as she wound herself around the pole with ease, her naked thigh sliding against it, her breasts full and appealing.

Her eyes finally settled on me and I felt a pang of guilt, I shouldn't have seen her like this... but even more important was that she shouldn't have been here in the first place.

Her body moved slower now, almost threatening to stop as the realisation of the moment hit her with full force; I saw the relief swim over her face as the song finally stopped, not bothering to wait around for an applause that would never come she gathered her discarded clothes and ran from the stage.

I found my way to the changing rooms, the decor there even more miserable than the main bar, a skinny red head winked as she squeezed past me "hey darlin' now I'll do you a private dance for free..." her finger trailed down my chest, I pushed her hand away and continued forwards, her soft, blonde hair scraped into a rough bun at the nape of her neck, wayward strands of hair breaking loose and framing her face, she scrubbed the face wipe over her face, removing all trace of the heavy makeup that had hindered her natural beauty; She stilled and looked at my reflection in the mirror "Hi Jackson... long time no see!" the shock of seeing her still hadn't sunk in and I couldn't help but think she had fallen back into my life just at the right time, she had certainly distracted me from the shit storm I'd wound up in since my return to Charming.

"What're you doin' here, Wendy?" She turned to face me, her skimpy 'stage' outfit had been swapped for a grey, worn 'heavy metal' shirt and tight stonewash jeans, her eyes looked empty, surrounded by dark circles, her skin was pale and the glow I'd once loved about her was absent.

Her silence answered my question without any doubt; it was of course obvious why she was here. "Did he make you do this? Wendy did Clay force you to work here?" the strip club had been under the protection of The Sons for as far back as I could remember, what had once been a drinking hole for Charming's older resident had now turned into a seedy, back alley strip joint and for girls like Wendy it was their only hope.

Her grey eyes searched my face and I noticed the tears that threatened to spill over, her bottom lip trembled and I felt a sudden need to comfort her; I stepped closer and crouched down, placing my fingertips gently beneath her chin, urging her to face me "Wendy, did He make you work here? was it Clay?" a lone tear fought its way free and rolled down her cheek, I caught it with my thumb and felt an immense sensation of compassion... something I thought had died inside me a long time ago.

"I couldn't pay the rent, Jackson... I was fallin' behind and, Clay... well he was good to me, He took care of me..."

I cut my gaze away from her, not able to hide the disgust, the sound of his name falling from her mouth sent a jolt of anger through me once more, I moved across the room, holding my back to her "He want's you to think, he's helpin', Wendy! But look at this place!" I faced her once more and looked around the room, the underwear scattered about, and adorning every piece of furniture, the stench of smoke mixed with sweat and stale beer filled my nostrils, threatening the back of my throat.

"He's dragged you into this hell hole under the illusion that he's helpin' you! But Clay Morrow doesn't 'help' anyone unless there is somethin' in it for him! Hah! This isn't even about you... I get it now, this is about me! He wants to get to me, any way that he can..."

"See that's the problem with you, Jackson! You think the whole god damned world spins around you! Answer me this... why would Clay get at you through me? I mean absolutely nothin' to you..."

Her words cut to my core and for a moment I saw myself in her eyes, I saw the kind of monster everyone, including Wendy thought me to be.

It was true that I hadn't given much thought to her over the past year, and that only caused myself hatred to increase further; Wendy had been the outcast of our group, Tara never much cared for her wild child ways or the fact that it was me that dug her out of the endless trouble she managed to tangle herself in; Opie had spent our entire childhood trying to worm his way into Wendy's panties but she refused to go there, telling him that she was saving herself for the love of her life... and not one of us knew who that was until one drunken night when we were 18.

We huddled around the bonfire, Charming's annual firework night couldn't match the Clubs very own bonfire entertainment, the members and their families gathered, Piney would get the barbeque sizzling and Gemma – ever the perfect hostess made sure the beer didn't run dry.

By rule Wendy shouldn't have been invited to any of the Club events but being my friend entitled her to a life most didn't get a glimpse of.

I left Tara sulking in the bar, she hated being part of 'those' nights, and her idea of a good time had never involved motorcycles, fire and beer out of a bottle! Much less any of the other antics the Club members got up to...

I'd had just about enough of her for one night and was close to jumping on my bike and hotfooting it out of there, unfortunately my mass intake of beer had caused Gemma to take my bike keys, since losing her eldest boy Gemma had grown even more concerned and over protective of me... she was verging on crazy!

Wendy was wedged between Tig and Happy, she was out of her depth but being inebriated helped to ease her nerves and Tig made sure her glass was topped up before she could even notice it was empty; Happy looked up and winked as I approached them, I noticed Tigs fingers circling over the nape of her neck... it made my skin crawl and at the time, I couldn't understand why...

Grabbing Wendy's hand I pulled her away, she staggered against me, her hair tangling itself against mine, her skin smelt of honey and it filled my senses as I walked her towards the back of the Club house, the music and laughter died down and I laid down my patch free cut on the grass, being the son of a founding member didn't short cut me to membership, I had to see through my prospect status just like everyone else had.

She slumped down and sighed deeply "you're my hero, Jackson Teller... y'know that?" I took my place next to her and rested against my elbow; Wendy was a year younger than me and I felt the need to protect her, she was the sister I'd never had.

I swept a strand of hair from her forehead, smiling as she started to hiccup, her head resting against my arm as her eyes grew heavy, her words slurred as she struggled against the impending tiredness. "I dunno what I'd do without you, Jackson... you're... every... everything, and... and I love you..." I never reminded her of that night and I had to presume that she didn't recall a single moment, I began to distance myself from Wendy and that only allowed Tara and the Club to pull me deeper within their clutches.

Now as I looked into her innocent eyes I saw the same 17 year old girl from six years ago and I wanted to rescue her all over again.

The corner of my mouth lifted into a slight smile as I held out my hand "you wanna get out of this dive?"

Her eyes glistened and she nodded as her fingers curled around mine "you're still my hero Jackson Teller..."


	8. Chapter 2 update 4

Jax's Pov

Opie had made himself scarce, the moment he lay eyes on Wendy the shock was very much evident on his face, I guessed those suppressed, childhood feelings he had for her came rushing back.

I grabbed two glasses and the bottle of bourbon, sitting down on the worn armchair as I poured a generous helping in the glasses, the sound of the shower stopped and I heard Wendy moving about, we hadn't stopped by her place... she was afraid that Clay might be there waiting for her... something He had apparently made a habit of lately!

I left out a pair of my sweatpants and a t shirt, they'd swamp her of course but at least they wouldn't be tainted by that shit hole I'd rescued her from.

I looked up and smiled as she walked into the room, her hair hanging damp against the material of my shirt, she looked a little more familiar, more like the girl that infected everyone around her with energy and laughter; the signs of distress and worry were still there though, just a little less prominent.

She accepted the glass and sipped slowly at the golden liquid, I felt suddenly awkward... the distractions of the club were no longer surrounding us and we were alone... completely alone and I hadn't been alone with Wendy since we were kids.

"What brought you back, Jackson? The last I heard you were outta' Charming for good!" I hesitated, I wanted to be honest with her, tell her about Gemma's plea, then of my discovery... I wanted to confide in someone that wasn't Opie, I wanted to confide in Wendy, but part of me screamed against it, screamed that it was a bad idea... she wouldn't understand, neither would she care.

The hatred between Tara and Wendy ran deep and it went both ways; Wendy was of a similar opinion to Opie, all she saw was a 'Princess' demanding more and more of my time but giving less and less in return.

"Ah you know me, can't stay away from the place!" I raised my glass to her and knocked back its contents, she followed my lead and I didn't hesitate to refill our glasses.

I tilted my head and watched her hair curl around her face, her freckles now prominent without the make up to disguise her features.

She paused, her glass held delicately to her lips "what are you lookin' at Mr Teller? You never saw girl knock back bourbon before?" I shook my head "Its nothin'" her intrigue clearly taking over as she sat forwards, pushing a handful of wavy hair behind her ear; I suddenly became aware of her closeness, her fragrance drifting over me and something inside me stirred.

"No! It's not nothin'... what's goin' on with you, Jackson? And don't feed me crap about you comin' back because you missed the place! I've known you long enough to know that's not true! You spent your whole childhood desperate to escape this Charming... and you did it! Why come back again?"

I felt cornered and that familiar anger crept through my body, my chest tightening with the threat of the impending conversation "Gemma needed me..." Wendy sat back into the chair once more, seemingly satisfied with my answer "oh! Why... what's wrong with her?"

I wasn't surprised by her casual tone, there was no love lost between Gemma and Wendy, although not quite the hate that Tara and Gemma shared, but it was close.

I studied her face for a moment, and in that moment it felt like we hadn't grown up, it felt just like it did when we were kids; I felt comfortable around her, I didn't feel hatred or frustration I felt calm, she'd always had that effect on me.

"It's Clay, he's not... coping! She was worried about the Club" Wendy smiled knowingly at me "ahhh! And being the heir to the throne, you just had to come ridin' back into Town..."

I couldn't help but smile at her analogy, it sounded ridiculous but rang very true, I knew that if Clay stepped down the Club would need a new leader, every pack needed a head and even though I gave up my membership the day I skipped Town, I was a Teller!

Her expression grew serious "So, have you seen her?" She meant Tara of course and I felt instantly uncomfortable, just as I always had when Wendy approached that subject.

"Uh, yeah... y'know lets not talk about her... ok, Wendy? Let's talk about you! What the hell is goin' on? Why does Clay have you shakin' your tits in that flea pit?"

She cast her eyes down, her voice barely audible "I told you... I needed to pay the bills, Jackson... Clay knew I don't have family to help and... He got me the job, it pays well, Jackson. It was either that or I walk the streets"

She lit a smoke and inhaled deeply "so did she tell you then?" I narrowed my eyes and shrugged "you talkin' about Gemma?"

Wendy laughed lightly and shook her head, her hair fell against her face and I resisted the urge to run my fingers through it.

"No, Jackson I'm talkin' about Tara and you know that... I'm talkin' about Tara and your son, the baby boy that she conveniently forgot to tell you about!" I stood and walked away from her, leaning against the window, the muscles in my arms twitching, I noticed her reflection in the darkness and I forced myself to look past her.

"It seems so easy for everyone to blame, Tara! But you all played your part" I forced calmness in my voice "not one of you thought to contact me and tell me! Not you, Gemma, Ope..."

My words were met with silence, her head dipped and her voice less judgemental "you're right, Jackson... we should have told you, but none knew how! I mean... I don't really see anyone anymore, Ope hasn't spoken to me for months, well... not since you left really and I avoid Gemma... for obvious reasons..."

Her head snapped up and her eyes widened at the realisation of her mistake "I... I mean... she's never been my greatest fan... has she?"

I closed the space between us and rested my hands against the arms of her chair, leaning closer until her head hit the cushion that rested behind her; she looked everywhere but in my eyes, desperate to hide the guilt.

"You better start talkin', Wendy! And no more bullshit! What's been goin' on?"

She lunged forwards, taking me off guard; I backed away and watched her tug against her hair as she paced back and forth.

"I... I don't even know what happened! I don't know what possessed me! I mean, the first time I was drunk and high, but after that... there's, there's no excuse, no reason! I just don't know what..."

She wasn't making sense and she was making me dizzy, grabbing hold of her shoulders I forced her to stop and face me.

"What did you do, Wendy?" Her eyes were empty; despondent "I slept with him, Jackson... I slept with Clay... I did things for him, little 'jobs'"

I held up my hand to silence her, I'd known deep down what she was getting at but I didn't want to hear it confirmed from her mouth.

Turning away I walked back over to the window, I couldn't stomach looking at her; She rushed forward and threw herself against my back, her tears slowly soaking through the material of my shirt as her body shook.

"I'm sorry, Jackson... I was just so alone, you left and Ope wouldn't return my calls, I had none and I was on the edge, I didn't plan on it and I'm not proud of it... especially what happened to Tara..." her voice cut short and my body stiffened "what does this have to do with Tara?" her sobs were barely audible and I felt her move away cautiously.

"Just forget it, forget I said anything! I'm just, I'm hysterical and it's been so long since I saw you, I'm rambling and I really should get home, thanks for the talk and the shower" she tugged against the hem of the shirt "and thanks for the shirt, I really appreciate it, Jackson.. It was... it was good to see you"

I pushed against her shoulder, her back hitting the wall as she gasped, I noticed her body shaking once more, I felt her breath sweeping across my lips and my eyes bore into hers, she couldn't escape me this time, she had nowhere else to look and I read only guilt and sadness in her eyes.

I kept my voice steady and firm " . ?"

"He made me feel like I had no choice, Jackson... He made me feel like it was my only way out and I was scared, I was so scared"

A rage of anger shot across her face suddenly "and you didn't care! You didn't give a shit about me! you didn't give a shit about anyone that wasn't her! Let's face it, Jackson... that girl has you blind to the world, she always has but you're too infatuated with the idea of loving her to see that, you didn't know what was going on around you and you didn't care... it's always been the same hasn't it? Jackson and Tara against the Unniverse!"

I softened against her slightly, she meant every ounce of venom behind her words, I wasn't accustomed to this side of Wendy and the glaze of hate that reflected in her eyes scared me; She had always been a sweet, caring girl... I didn't want Charming churning her up in its sick and twisted games, spitting her out as someone else... someone cold and callous.

I loosened my grip on her wrists and backed away, still holding on to her though, I couldn't be certain that she'd not make for the door at the first sign of release.

"Wendy, did you have somethin' to do with what happened before I left?" a single tear rolled down her cheek, there was no need for her response, the reaction in her emotions told me everything I needed to know.

My head dropped and I took several deep breaths, my instinct was to make her pay, to inflict the same pain she had brought upon me but I couldn't, and the reason I couldn't was because I cared, I didn't care about much but having her fall back into my life ignited something buried deep inside me and I needed to hold on to that spark of humanity.

"I had my reasons, Jackson and I'm not proud of what I did, I can't pretend that hurting Tara caused me to lose any sleep but the fact that what we did caused you to leave Town... I'll never forgive myself for that... I just hope that maybe someday, you can forgive me"

I felt light headed, sick in fact; I'd always known that Clay had a part in Tara's kidnapping, but not Wendy! Not the sweet girl I'd taught to ride her first bike! The girl that came to me when her jerk of a boyfriend gave her a fat lip... I'd spent my life looking out for her, tonight had been no exception but now, as I looked at her tear stained face... I saw a stranger.

I found the courage to let her go, stepping back and pushing my hands through my hair I looked at her long and hard.

"Clay told me that it could be the chance I'd been waiting for... I could finally have everything I wanted, all I had to do was make one phone call... he made it sound so simple"

It made sense, Clay couldn't be in any way connected with the kidnap, I'd always known he was behind it though, even up to the moment that he jumped on his bike and raced against the clock to help me get her back... at the time though I hadn't cared, I had one objective and that was to get Tara back, despite who's help I'd have to accept in order to do that.

"So what was in it for you? What could you have possibly gained from doing it, Wendy?" she looked confused, her brows furrowed and she stumbled for words "what did I... what did I have to gain? Are you seriously asking me that, Jackson? I mean... it's just... do you... do you not realise?"

I shook my head and walked away in frustration, she was feeding me nothing but cryptic messages and my head was buzzing "just be straight with me, Wendy! Don't give me any bullshit excuse about Clay forcing you to do it! You knew that you could've come to me! You knew I'd of looked after you, protected you!"

"But that's the point, Jackson! You wouldn't have! You were too wrapped up in Tara to see past your own happiness! None stood a chance when she was in your life! Not me, not Ope... shit, not even the Club! She had you wound so tight that nothin' could break the connection... nothin' except your desperation to keep her safe..."

I couldn't digest what she was saying, her words penetrated my brain but seemed to leak right back out again, it was bad enough that Clay was involved... how he could have knowingly done that to his own son was beyond sick! But to find out that Wendy played her own part turned my stomach and I found myself falling back down on the couch, my knees apart as I dropped my head between them... it didn't matter how many deep breaths I took though, I was still stuck in a nightmare.

I finally lifted my head and Wendy sat on the floor, in front of me, her knees clutched against her chest, her eyes moist and red, the sweet scent of her hair washed over me and I found myself reaching out, touching the palm of my hand against her cheek "were you that lonely, Wendy? That desperate for attention?"

Her face contorted with anger, her eyes blazed with rage and she jumped up, pacing back and forth "you think that's what it was about? Really, Jackson! You think that's it? Poor little Wendy so desperate for a hint of attention! Well fuck you! I could'a had attention from a million guys!" I closed the gap between us almost as quickly as she had created it, clenching my jaw as I growled my response.

"Why didn't you then?"

Her words rooted me to the spot and my mouth felt dry.

"Because none of them were you, Jackson!"


	9. Chapter 3 update 1

Jax's Pov.

I hadn't heard from Wendy since she had ran out on me two nights ago, she left me to deal with the aftershock of her confession and if I was honest with myself, I didn't really know how to begin to deal with it.

I ran it past Opie but his opinion didn't favour Wendy, He seemed to be struggling with the information just as much as I was; although Opie and Tara's relationship was damaged beyond repair, she was still his younger sister and the fact that Wendy had played a part in what happened to her just gave him even more reason to hate her.

The cabin played host to the meetings, the room became more crowded as more and more members turned up, each of them with their own reasons to want revenge on Clay Morrow, each of them desperate to see him taken down.

Juice surprised me the most following his recent arrival, He hadn't earned his patch long before I left and his loyalties naturally laid with Clay; I welcomed him despite my reservations... it would make sense for Clay to send in a spy, someone that would be eager to impress him with their ability to succeed in the tasks he set them and the only thing stopping me from outright accusing Juice of this was the news that Clay had enlisted Juice's younger sister as the strip clubs newest attraction.

I stayed clear of Gemma, it didn't matter that she was my mom, I knew she wanted a Teller back at the head of the Club's table but I wasn't sure how much she would be willing to lose in order to get that; Clay would certainly walk out on her if he knew she'd had a part in his destruction with the Son's and Gemma wasn't strong enough to survive on her own, she needed a man in her life.

"Jacky boy, the guys are all here, you ready to start?" I nodded over at Chibs, and followed him into the next room; Opie lounged against the door frame, his eyes moving over Chibs, Bobby and Juice, his gaze reflected caution and I knew He felt uneasy about having the members here, in his home... He didn't quite trust that they were here with genuine intentions, Opie didn't trust easily.

The chatter died down and they all looked up at me, Juice looked uneasy, his eyes moving around me rather than focusing on me; I just hoped that his hatred for Clay was enough to keep him here.

I cleared my throat and one by one they focused their attention toward me, Opie moved further into the room, I found myself at the head of my very own meeting and despite being Clay's number two for most of my adult life, not one second of the moment felt natural to me.

"Thank you all for comin' I'm sure I don't need'ta remind you all that Clay Morrow and my mother have no need to know anything that goes down in these meetin's " I was met with a sea of nodding, Chibs winked and spoke loud and clear "indeed you don't, Jacky boy... Isn't that right boys?" a grumble of replies followed, Juice still hadn't made eye contact with me and he was beginning to make me nervous.

Bobby cleared his throat and directed the question that I knew had been playing on all of their minds "So what's the plan, Jax? I mean, how you even begin to take someone like Clay down!?"

I sucked in a deep breath and pushed strands of hair behind my ears, I should have known they'd throw me in at the deep end, it was sink or swim.

"I never said it'd be easy! We can't just unravel his years of scheming, deceiving and various alliances he's made with organisations in and surrounding Charming; if we're gunna take Clay down, for good... it has to be from within the inside, it has to be flawless"

Opie looked thoughtful, He still hadn't spoken and I'd begun to think he never would until his deep voice cut through the varied ideas that flew around the room.

"To take down Clay, we have to take down the Club..." He said exactly what I already knew but it wasn't until I heard the words out loud that the reality of it set in.

Bobby stood up quickly, knocking the chair over in the process "none said anything about destroying the Club! What do you guys expect us to do without the Club!? It's alright for you, Jax! You fly in and out of Charming when the mood takes ya! But for us, The Sons is a way of life!" He turned and focused his attention on Opie "and you, brother! I'm disappointed in you; your pops would be too!"

Opie took three quick strides, his face crumpled with anger "you don't bring my dad into this shit! Who the hell do you think you are, Bobby?" Juice and Chibs stepped in between them both, blocking Opie's view of Bobby, I rested my hand on Opie's forearm and I could feel the muscle twitching against my palm.

"Take a breath, brother, don't do this... Bobby's not your enemy" His eyes flashed with fury as He forced them away from Bobby "Who gave you the authority to tell me what to do, Jax? You walked away from this Club and now you step back into whose shoes? Clay's? Your dad's? You've lost your way, brother"

Chibs took position at my side, his voice invoking a calmness that only he could "Jackson isn't telling any of you what to do! He's come back to a broken family, a break that Clay Morrow caused! You're all grown men and none forced you to come here, your alliance with each other is the biggest strength that we have against, Clay! You start turning on each other now... we might as well walk right on out of here right now"

I nodded my thanks towards Chibs, the corner of my mouth lifting in thanks, his words seemed to subdue Opie as I watched him turn and take place in the doorway once more, and He still felt the need to keep a distance from the others.

"As Ope has already said, we can't take down Clay without the Club going with him; the plan has to be seamless"

"What you got in mind, Jacky Boy?" I turned to Chibs and the corner of my mouth lifted into a cocky grin "we hit him where it hurts the most, his little money Empires" I looked around the room and noticed each of them hanging on my every word, Opie coughed and cast a serious glance towards me "you don't think he'll see that comin' Jax?"

"He won't if I carry out a more... direct attack whilst you sneak in through the back door; Clay will expect that... he won't be watching his back when he's concentrating on what's going on right in front of him"

Chibs chuckled lightly and winked in my direction, it was a knowing wink, a wink that said he understood completely.

"And what if he finds out? What if Clay figures this out before we can execute this little plan? I mean... he's more clued up then we're giving him credit for here!" Chibs thrust an icy glare towards Juice and I rubbed my thumb and fore finger across my temple, I didn't know how I could convince them that we were doing the right thing and I couldn't blame them for having doubts; Clay Morrow was a slippery bastard and if anyone could come through a shitty situation, still smelling of roses..It was him.

"I can't make any of you do this! I wouldn't even try, all I'm askin' is that you take a moment to reflect on what Clay has done to each of you! He has hidden behind the name of the Club for long enough! He has burrowed his way into your lives, twisting them, turning them inside out and now you've got a chance to change all of that... we've got a chance to take the Club back and leave him just as He deserves to be... alone and broken"

My words seemed to have made an impact, I looked towards each of their faces and realised that they had just as much reason to hate Clay as I did and I realised that they wouldn't let this opportunity pass them by... after all, they may never get the chance to finally be free of him again.

I padded into the lounge, my hair wet and a towel wrapped around my waist, Opie looked up from his bottle of beer, a thoughtful expression set on his face "well that went well... you really think they are playing on our side, Jax?"

I rubbed the towel that hung around my neck through my damp hair; it was typical for Opie to seek out any negativity from a situation. "I have to give them the chance, Ope! If I don't... what else do I have? I can't take Clay down on my own! He'll already be expectin' that!"

Opie stared long and hard at me; his eyes narrowed "why is it so important for you to destroy him now, Jax? I don't get it! I've been thinkin' long and hard about this and I don't understand what's changed! Clay Morrow has been messin' with your head since we were kids but you've never craved revenge like you seem to right now!"

I knew Opie didn't understand and I knew I could trust him but something inside my head held me back, kept me from being honest with him.

"I guess I'm just sick of Clay thinkin' he can pull my strings... it's about time he got a taste of his own medicine" Opie looked at me with caution, one brow raised "and you really think you'll get away with it?"

"What's that supposed to mean, Ope? You think Clay is too smart for me?" I could feel the venom creeping into my voice and yet I couldn't seem to stop it, Opie was my best friend, my brother and yet I felt a surge of anger towards him "No! That's not what I'm sayin' I just don't think you've thought this through! I think all you can see is rage and that's overwhelming any scrap of sense you have!"

I couldn't listen to him without lashing out so I made for the door, pausing only briefly with my response "you don't need to think anythin' Ope, you don't need to understand either, if you can't get behind me then I'll do it without you... and I won't lose a moments sleep over it"

Regret washed over me, it only lasted a moment though, I didn't have time to waste on anyone that wasn't 100% behind me; making Clay pay meant more to me than anything else... almost as much as getting to know my son... and in that moment I made a promise to myself – I wouldn't allow another man to raise my son, I wouldn't allow his father, his real father to be a stranger that appeared one day and announced himself, my son wouldn't be me in 30 years time... he'd be better than that, he'd be a better man and I would give up my last breath to make sure that happened.


End file.
